Recently, I noticed that one of my kids was having a hard time making decisions. Over the holidays, we were on a Caribbean cruise and this child had difficulty deciding what to eat at nearly every meal.

If you’ve been on a cruise before (this was our first time), you know there are plenty of options and dozens of food choices available to you at each meal. Most of the options would have been good choices for him. Some were even great choices – his favorite foods. But a few were not so great and he wouldn’t have enjoyed them at all.

When it came time to place his order, he froze. He simply couldn’t decide.

Have you ever found yourself struggling to make a decision – maybe regarding a possible career change, starting that business you’ve always wanted, or some choice regarding your finances, love life, or family – because you were afraid you’d make the wrong choice? I have.

On one hand, it makes sense because we want to ensure that we make the right choice and avoid any pain or expense that may come from the wrong choice. And let’s face it – some choices carry with them some emotion pain and financial expense.

On the other hand, we can get caught up in “the paralysis of analysis.” What that means is that we can analyze the situation so much that, in order to avoid making the wrong decision, we don’t make any decision at all.

At times, it can seem like making no decision IS the safest decision to make. In reality, playing it safe by making no decision is, in my experience, often the wrong decision, because we’re not moving forward at all or taking any action.

Over the next few posts, I’ll share some tips that have helped me improve my chances of making the best decisions possible. And, I’ll share some ideas on how to recover from, and make the most of, bad decisions.

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The following is an excerpt from The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose.

In almost every moment of the day, we find ourselves being confronted with questions and opportunities.  Our lives are a constant flow of decisions. What will I eat?  What will I wear?  Where will I go?  Whom will I go with?  What will I do?  What will I buy?  Where will I live?  Life is always asking us questions. Often they seem small and insignificant, but in truth they can significantly impact our lives.

We have options.  I could watch television for an hour every day or exercise for an hour every day.  I could eat McDonald’s every day for lunch or I can have soup and a salad.  We choose between various options a hundred times a day, and our choices impact our health, happiness, well-being, and destiny.

In his classic poem, “The Road Not Taken,” Robert Frost describes coming to a fork in the road and having to choose between the two paths that lie before him.  The poem closes with one of the most famous lines of modern literature:

“I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Too often the poem is interpreted as being about one monumental moment, one enormous decision, that determines the outcome of a person’s whole life.  It is as if, once this one decision is made, all is well, and the rest of the road is smooth and slopes gently downhill.

The poem is not about one moment in a person’s life.  It is about every moment of our lives.  We find ourselves constantly at a crossroads.  No sooner do we make one decision and take three or four steps down either path than we come upon two roads diverging in a yellow wood…again!

The fork in the road is constantly appearing in our lives.

The ability to choose comes from a sense of purpose.  Leaders are charged with the responsibility of making decisions, because they above all others are supposed to understand the purpose of the people or organization they lead.  Direction comes from an understanding of where you are going.  If you don’t know where you are going, you are lost.

When we have a sense of our purpose, the decisions of our daily lives can be easily assessed with that purpose in mind.  Direction emerges in our lives by bringing our decisions before the altar of our essential purpose.

If you make great decisions, you will live a great life.

As I’ve shared here before, I’ve been on a journey of discovering and living my life’s purpose for about ten years now.  Over the last two years, I made a series of decisions regarding my career and lifestyle.  I weighed those decisions based on my life’s purpose and goals, and they ended up being great decisions.

What about you?  How has knowing your purpose made decision-making easier?  Or, can you point to an instance when you know you could have made a better decision if you had known your purpose more clearly?

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Life’s greatest truth and hardest lesson:  Everything is a choice

A few years ago, in a conversation with one of my mentors, I explained that I was dealing with a particular problem that was weighing heavily on my mind.

As I described the situation, he listened intently, seeking to understand what I was saying.  Then he said something that absolutely took me by surprise.  I was expecting empathy, sympathy, and possible solutions.  Instead, he said:

“Who says your problem’s a problem?”

I replied, “What do you mean?  I just told you the situation.  Of course it’s a problem, and I’ve got to figure out what to do.”

He went on to explain, “Yes, I understand you have a situation here that you’re dealing with.  But who says that it is a problem?  With every problem, there is an opportunity.  And I believe you really have a big opportunity here to explore and make the most of, instead of a problem to manage.  That is, if you choose to see it that way.”

Next, he helped me look at my situation from different angles and perspectives.  Then he shared some possible courses of action that I could take, and the potential results of those decisions…both in the short-term and a few years down the road.

One thing I noticed was that some solutions, which seem to have the lowest cost right now, have higher costs down the road.  And I’m not just talking money, but also our energy, emotions, relationships, goals, etc.

Later, when our conversation came to a close, I thanked my mentor for helping me gain a new perspective on my situation.  He gave me some real hope for what I thought was more of a hopeless situation.  As he left, he gave me another pearl of wisdom that took a minute to sink in…but once I got it, I got it.  He said:

“Sometimes, how you look at a problem is the problem.”

The next time you’re stumped by a problem or situation, and you just don’t know what to do, you might give these tips a try:

1. Gain a new perspective by looking at the problem from different angles.
2. Make a list of all the ways you could possibly benefit from this situation.
3. Pretend that you are a coach who is helping someone else in this situation.  What would you advise them to do?
4. Pick your top three possible courses of action, then count the cost of each one, both in the short-term and long-term.  Play them out in your mind.  If you went this direction, how would it feel at first?  How does it feel a month or six months down the road?  What are the ramifications, both good and bad?  Can you live with them?
5. Then pick your top possible solution, and ask yourself:  “If I go this route, does it really address the real problem?” This is an important question, because it is all too easy to deceive ourselves into thinking we’re doing the right thing to address the problem, but then our choices results in unintended negative consequences.  Don’t believe me?  Just ask Congress.