If you’re new to Life Compass, on Sundays I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics. Here’s why.

Sadly, it’s human nature to blame someone else when life doesn’t go the way we had hoped.  So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that there’s now a holiday for it.

Blame Someone Else Day occurs on the first Friday the 13th of the year, which for 2010 happens on Friday, August 13.  It’s a day to blame someone else for the mess you’re in – whether you’ve caused it yourself through your own fault or not.  Go ahead, blame the Congress, the President, your neighbor, your boss, and even God.

I don’t have any scientific evidence to back it up, but my guess is that God gets the blame more than anyone. What do you think?

In my own life, I can point to many times when I’ve asked, “God, why did you allow this to happen?”  And sadly, there have been times when I’ve been mad at God for allowing me to mess up my life…for allowing me to make the same mistakes over and over….and over.

Proverbs 19:3 says, “People ruin their lives by their own stupidity, so why does God always get blamed?” (The Message)

It’s a good question…and one that needs to be answered.  Why do we blame God?

Maybe it’s because we think God is supposed to only let good things happen.  Or maybe we believe he’s supposed to protect us from ourselves and not allow us to suffer any consequences for our mistakes, wrong choices, or inaction.

Perhaps the real reason we blame God is that we don’t want to take responsibility for our own actions or inaction.  Somehow, we believe that actions are neutral…there’s no right or wrong, and no consequences for wrong choices.

It all goes back to Adam and Eve.  When they committed the first sin, God asked Adam what happened, and Adam blamed God.  He said, “It’s because of that woman that you gave me.”

Remember, blame comes with a price. It can make us bitter. It impacts our relationship with the person we’re blaming.  And it keeps us from finding real solutions to the problem.

How can we stop playing the blame game? Two thoughts come to mind:

1. Be willing to admit our mistakes and failures.
2. Look for blessing instead of blame.  What I mean is, look for the silver lining.  Make a list of all the ways that good could come out of the situation.  Make a list of all the lessons you can learn…and hopefully not repeat.

What else would you add to the list?

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If you’re new to Life Compass, on Sundays I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics. Here’s why.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

A few days ago, I was in northern Michigan for a conference.  I arrived in town the night before at 7:00 PM and checked into the hotel.  Usually, I turn on the TV and watch the news and get caught up on the world’s events.

This time, I thought I should get outside, enjoy the warmth, and watch the sunset.  So, I grabbed a book, checked my iPhone for a map that showed the nearest lake, and was off.

It was only a five minute drive to the nearest lake, where I found a park and some benches that overlooked the lake and the sunset.  I sat there just over an hour reading the book.  It was a quick read, so when I was done, I decided to stay and close my eyes, bask in the warmth of the setting sun, and rest.

My mind immediately began to think thoughts of God.  I thought of the beauty of this place I was at and the majesty of his creation.  I thanked him for the blessing of family and friends, and began to pray for the people and needs I have been concerned about recently.

Then I remembered that the same thing happened earlier in the week when I took my kids to our local botanical garden, and to an outdoor concert at a park!  There must be something about being outside, and not in a hurry to get from point A to point B, that gives my mind more space to think of God, revel in his creation, and long to connect meaningfully with him.

Mother Teresa spoke of finding God in nature.  She said,

“We need to find God, and He can’t be found in noise and restlessness.  God is the friend of silence.  See how nature – trees, flowers, grass – grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, see how they move in silence.  We need silence to be able to touch souls.”

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s getting harder and harder to disconnect from the world and be silent.  Everything is instant.  Everything is quick. Everything can be had now, or at least by 10:00 AM tomorrow.  Everything, that is, except for the cultivation of our souls. That takes time, and silence.

So, how do we find time for spiritual growth?   Tomas a’ Kempis, said:

“If you avoid unnecessary talk and aimless visits, listening to news and gossip, you will find plenty of time to spend in meditation on holy things.”

Sounds simple, doesn’t it?  I’m laughing as I’m typing this because a’ Kempis was a medieval monk who lived in the 1400’s, and I’m wondering what kind of a hectic life he would have had back then.  But I guess all people everywhere have struggled with finding times of quiet to connect to their Creator.

His point is right-on for me.  I was going to just sit in the hotel and watch the news…instead, I went outside, found a quiet spot, and found God waiting there for me.  This experience was a great reminder that my spiritual life plays an important role in my sense of work-life balance.  And that spiritual growth can help in my every day life.  It isn’t just one life area, it impacts all of my life areas.

I need times when I’m still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10).  I need times when I surrender, give up, drop everything, and just wait on him and look to him.  I need times when I stop striving and just bask in his goodness and grace.

What are your favorite ways to “be still”?

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If you’re new to Life Compass, on Sundays I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics. Here’s why.

Something interesting happens when you know you’re dying.

Suddenly, some things that you thought were very important, are now totally unimportant.  And you have incredible clarity about what things truly are most important to you.

These are some reflections I had on Saturday, after visiting a friend from my church who had just moved to a hospice care home.

She has cancer, and there’s nothing more the doctors can do for her except to make her as comfortable as possible as she prepares to pass from this life to the next.

She is probably just a few years older than me, and has two teenage sons, whom she will soon leave behind.  This was very sobering for me, as the father of five children ages 4-13.  One day, my time will be up too.

During my visit, I read from Psalm 139, which beautifully expresses God’s watchful eye over us, his design and plan for our lives before we were even born, and his control over the number of our days.  “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be,” the psalmist David said in verse 16.

This psalm – all 24 verses, prompted a few thoughts in my mind:

• God has given each of us a certain amount of time on this earth.  It’s up to us to decide how we’re going to use it.
• God has given each of us a certain amount of potential.  It’s up to us to discover and maximize it.
• God has put each person here on earth for a purpose.  It’s up to us to find it and live it.

Are you making the most of your life?  Are you living to you full potential?  Are you having the maximum impact you could be having…in your family, relationships, work, community?

If not, what do you think is holding you back?  And what one or two steps can you take today to help move you in the right direction?  Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Happy Father’s Day to my fellow Dads of the world.  I ran across this prayer by General Douglas MacArthur several years ago.  Since I have three sons (along with two daughters), it seemed like a great prayer to take to heart on Father’s Day 2010.

A Father’s Prayer

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble, and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee – and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.  Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here, let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those that fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high, a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men, one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.

Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

For those of you who are new to Life Compass, I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics on Sundays.  Here’s why.

A friend of mine, Pat McLaughlin, recently wrote a book called Haggai and Friends, which is due to be released in the next month or so.  It’s based on the biblical account of the Hebrew prophet Haggai, who brings the people of Israel an interesting word from the Lord.

In Haggai 1:5-7 (The Message), God tells the people:

Take a good hard look at your life. Think it over. You have spent a lot of money, but you haven’t much to show for it. You keep filling your plates, but you never get filled up. You keep drinking and drinking and drinking, but you’re always thirsty. You put on layer after layer of clothes, but you can’t get warm. And the people who work for you, what are they getting out of it? Not much – a leaky, rusted-out bucket, that’s what. That’s why God-of-the-Angel-Armies said:  “Take a good, hard look at your life.  Think it over.”

Have you ever been frustrated because your life hasn’t turned out the way you’d hoped or wanted?  Like the examples given in this scripture, have you been busy doing lots of stuff, but have nothing to really show for it?

God has a word of instruction for you:  “Take a good hard look at your life.  Think it over.”

In this particular example, the people of Israel weren’t achieving the success they’d hoped for because they hadn’t done what God had expected them to do.  They were busy doing their own thing, and enjoying their own comforts of home, while God’s Temple still lay in ruins, after being utterly destroyed by the Babylonians some seventy years earlier.

It seems like the only way God could get them to focus on what was important to him was to frustrate the things that were most important to them.  He allowed frustration and pain and disappointment into their lives to cause them to look to him for a solution.

Does this still happen today?  I think so!  It has been my experience that when I allow certain areas of my life to get out of sync with what I know God wants me to do or be, I end up with feelings of frustration, disappointment, or even pain.

Whether it’s frustration in my health, relationships, work, or other life area, when things go wrong it is all too easy to blame someone else, isn’t it?  But God tells us here that we need to take a good hard look at ourselves.

What’s causing frustration, disappointment or pain in your life today?  Is it the economic downturn?  Unemployment?  Relationships with your spouse or kids?  Work?  Poor health?

When things aren’t going the way you’d hoped, or the way you know they should be, don’t blame others.  Instead, take stock and assess what’s happening in your life.  It might just be a warning from God to bring attention to a situation and get us to change course before it’s too late.

So how do we “take a good hard look at ourselves”?

1. For me, I always take a look at my spiritual life.  Am I living up to God’s expectations in each of the areas of my life?  I’ve found that so many decisions in my life are spiritual ones.  And if I’m out of sync in this life area, nothing else seems to make sense in my life.
2. Next, I review my goals for my life areas.  Is what I’m doing today helping me achieve my goals?  If not, then something has to change.
3. Then I review my personal values.  Am I doing what I’m doing for the right reasons?  Do my actions measure up with what I’ve said are most important to me?

It is amazing how just a few simple questions, when answered honestly, can bring greater clarity, insight, and focus to just about any situation.

So, what about you?  Have you ever experienced this in your own life?  Please share your comments.

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For those of you who are new to Life Compass, I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics on Sundays.  Here’s why.

We’ve had a lot of rain at our house over the last few days.  I know that rain is good and we need it to make things grow, but at the same time, I’d like the rain to stop so I can enjoy outdoor activities with my family.

It is interesting to me how rain can be seen as both a blessing and a disappointment, depending on our perspective, or goals, at the time.  In fact, on the same day, in the same community, a farmer can be praying for rain while a golfer prays for sun.

In the Bible, rain is often viewed as a sign of God’s blessing or favor.  It is provided for our refreshment and growth.  Then again, the Flood is an example of how rain can bring pain and destruction.

Matthew 5:45 tells us that “God makes the sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”  What this tells me is that everyone receives some amount of blessing or provision from the Lord, and that we’ll all susceptible to various trials and challenges.  How we recognize and receive these “rainy days” depends, I think, on our perspective.

Some, like poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, see rain as a metaphor for the challenges and difficulties we all face in our lives at one time or another.  I memorized his poem, The Rainy Day, during my university days:

The Rainy Day

THE day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
  And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
  And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
  Some days must be dark and dreary.

Yes, sometimes rain can be a blessing, other times it’s a problem.  Rain can sometimes change our plans, and it can even ruin them.  How it impacts us depends, I think, on our perspective and response.

The most important thing to remember, as Longfellow mentions in his poem, is that the rain doesn’t last forever.  Behind every rain cloud, the sun is still shining.

So, how has rain, literally or figuratively, had an impact on your life?

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President Gerald R. Ford

For those of you who are new to Life Compass, I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics on Sundays.  Here’s why.

Last week, I took one of my sons on a visit to the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Museum, which is located in our community of Grand Rapids, MI.

We’ve been there many times – mostly on the president’s birthday, when admission is free.

One year, for his 90th birthday, we even got to hear the president speak.  This time, we went on Mrs. Ford’s birthday, and yes, there was free admission…and free birthday cake.

Despite my frequent visits, I noticed something on this occasion that I hadn’t recalled seeing before.  At least two of the exhibits referenced something that was a source of strength and courage for President Ford during the most difficult moments of his life and presidency.

What was it that he turned to when faced with difficult challenges and decisions?  What was it that made such a difference in Ford’s life? 

It was a passage of scripture that his mother taught him when he was a young child:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. — Proverbs 3:5-6

A couple of thoughts came to my mind, after reading this with my son.

1. Not everything we share with our children, or with others, sticks with them.  But some things do, and can have a lasting impact.
2. Everyone, even a president, needs the guidance, wisdom, direction, and hope that comes from God.
3. Our human understanding is limited, and there are times when we can’t have all the information we need to know about a particular subject in order to make the right, or best, decision.
4. There are times when we can’t see very far ahead of us, and we can’t know how things will turn out after we make a decision.  We simply need to go with faith that we have, and trust that more wisdom, knowledge and understanding will be revealed as we move farther down the path.

Have you ever been in a situation when you had absolutely no control over the outcome, and all you could do was trust in the Lord, or others, to see you through?

One of the hardest situations that my wife and I have faced happened 10 years ago.  Our oldest son, who was 3-1/2 at the time, was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We had absolutely no control over this situation.  There was nothing we could do to solve it.  All we could do was trust the Lord.

Through a lot of prayers and tears, we found great peace – peace that we couldn’t really explain – by putting our dependence totally on God.  We determined that we could trust him to see us through, whatever the results.

Gratefully, after two surgeries, 5 weeks of hospitalization, and months of therapy, our results turned out great and our son was totally healed.  But we’ve met others whose situations didn’t turn out so rosy.  Even then, they trusted the Lord to carry them through.  We were inspired by their faith, and the real difference it made in their lives.

Looking back, I’ve realized that if I’m honest with myself, I really have little real control over any aspect of my life.

Whether it’s my family, career, finances, health, plans, dreams or goals, I can only control my own actions.  I can’t control anyone else’s actions.  And I can’t control the results.  For that, I need to trust the Lord.

I’ve noticed that when I do try to control the actions of others or the results I want, bad things happen!  I get stressed-out, I worry, and my life gets out of balance.

What about you?  When it’s all said and done, where do you find strength in difficult times?  Where do you place your trust?

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For those of you who are new to Life Compass, I write on Spirituality, Faith and Ethics on Sundays.  Here’s why.

My oldest son turned 13 in December, so I decided I’d make some time each week over the course of this year to have some fun with him and talk about things that will help prepare him for manhood. We call it “man-to-man time.”

We usually play basketball at the YMCA (he always whips my bum), go out for breakfast, and then go to my office where we read a chapter from the Proverbs in the Bible and a book called Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz.

If you’re familiar with Proverbs, you know there’s so much wisdom here that covers just about every aspect of life. We especially enjoy reading it from The Message, which is a paraphrase of the Bible in contemporary language, written by Eugene Peterson.

This week, as we read Proverbs chapter 15, one verse really spoke to me about my life’s purpose from God’s perspective.  I thought I’d share it with you today:

A life frittered away disgusts God; he loves those who run straight for the finish line. – Proverbs 15:9

In Proverbs, the author takes a life concept and juxtaposes it, showing two sides of the coin.  I’ve been amazed at how this simple technique can help bring fresh insight and understanding.

So what does it mean here to fritter away your life? I think it means to waste it, squander it, or not use it to it’s full potential. To run straight for the finish line is to live your life with purpose and intentionality, to maximize it.

It’s been my observation that if we don’t live with purpose and intentionality, we fritter our lives away by default. I know how easy it is for me to go through the motions, skate by, and do the bare minimum in all areas of my life.  What about you?

But so what?  Why does God care if I fritter away my life or not?  What difference does it make to him?  And what difference should it make for me?  Here’s what I think the verse is trying to communicate:

• God is the author of my life and the giver of my purpose.  To fritter my life away is to reject who he made me to be.
• God has given me incredible potential, and I have barely tapped into it.  Perhaps he believes more in me than I do in myself.
• God expects me to be the best “me” that I can be.  He doesn’t expect me to be someone I’m not.
• Not all paths leads to success or accomplishment.
• There’s power in knowing and living my purpose.
• God wants me to finish strong and not rest on my laurels.
• God wants me to have abundant life.
• It’s up to me – it’s my choice in how I’m going to live.

Personally, I do not want to fritter away my life.  I want to reach my full potential and accomplish everything that I’ve been created by God to do.  The most important thing in my life is to make sure I’m living the way God wants me to live in all areas of life.  What about you?

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